I was a bit disappointed when I dropped in again at Holy Trinity Church. There was not much blatant corruption in evidence this Sunday. The Rev Peter Boulton-Lea put up a very good impression of being a Christian and the worst sin I could accuse them of was moaning about global warming while running the radiators on a scorching hot day.
However, I will say it again, you young devils in general have a very easy task and for most of the time you can put your feet up.
When I was setting out in my career we had to work far harder because there was some opposition. I remember the groans of tempters saddled with committed Christians, who spent their whole lives labouring in vocational jobs such as nursing and teaching without complaining about the pay or conditions. They worked in disaster relief and ran charities for orphans. They spent their weekends and retirement years doing voluntary work, everything from care of the old to manning food banks or lifeboats, without ever mentioning it or expecting to be thanked. They stayed with boring husbands and wives and looked after them in their old age. They invited irritating old aunts for Christmas merely because they had nowhere else to go, and baked cakes for school funds whenever anybody asked them to. Some of them even visited criminals in prison and encouraged them to reform. The worst sins they could be lured into were occasionally shopping on a Sunday or parking without putting the right metal disc into the machine.
Luckily most of these stubborn cases are now dead or very, very old. Octogenarians, nonogenarians, most of them are now, if you can still find any. When they die out, society will feel the severe loss of something it never noticed was there. Everybody will be worse off, and nobody will know who to blame. They took this invisible contribution for granted. The younger generation are a completely different species. They are wholly won over to a creed of vice and depravity, that has been re-labelled as "human rights". When bold innovating devils first suggested that line of attack, most of us didn't believe it would work. We thought humans were much more intelligent than they are. Nowadays when people contribute to a charity it is often an organisation such as Terry Higgins Trust that is blatantly doing Our Work.
We have had five young men arrive down here lately, nice fresh prey, from the London area. Their tempters are to be congratulated on despatching them so promptly, while they are hardly more than boys. One was Miguel Jimenez, aged 18, a café waiter living with a barrister named Henry Hendron, who held queer orgies inside his legal chambers at the Temple. Partaking in this lifestyle was how the toothy-grinned Miguel, from Colombia, could afford to live in central London. Barristers have the buying power - baristas have to offer some other service.
This Hooray Henry admitted buying £1,000 worth of drugs from a BBC producer Alexander Parkin, aged 41, to use at the party (after the police read the messages on his mobile phone there wasn't much point going on denying it). They were called "meow" and GBL. When the dead body of his catamite was found the next morning, Hendron sobbed convulsively with self-pity and proclaimed that he was the victim of something called "chemsex" that had caused a tragic accident. Blame and guilt attached only to the drugs, which had somehow arrived in his flat just because he bought them. He will probably escape justice on earth because he has so many establishment friends and strings to pull - Old Etonians don't go to jail for murder! - but his tempter tells me he is not on the danger list for repentance.
He will find it easy enough to replace Miguel using online "dating" systems. It's as simple as buying a new bicycle.
The other four arrivals here are very similar cases, Gabriel Kovari aged 21, Daniel Whitworth, 22, Anthony Walgate 23, and Jack Taylor, 25. All bagged for us! They went to meet Stephen Port, a gay chef and former rentboy, on one of those "gay dating" systems. Their bodies were found in the vicinity of a churchyard in Barking. They had been despatched to us down here with some more of these wonderful chemsex drugs, and their tempters have already got the press to blame "homophobia"!!!
Never expect humans to be clever.
I will be watching the fun myself later on - there is never anything good on TV.
Your affectionate uncle,
Our little helper. Stephen Port.
"During a search police recovered 60 self-seal bags of mephedrone, also known as meow meow, and bottles of party drug GBL with Hendron’s fingerprints on them. He admitted the two counts of supplying drugs at a hearing last Wednesday. The court had heard that the barrister had paid £1,000 for illicit highs to be used at the all-night party."
The parents of an alleged serial killer revealed their shock today as their male escort son was accused of murdering four men he met on gay websites.
Stephen Port, 40, of Barking, east London, is accused of using the party drug GHB - known as liquid ecstasy - to poison his four victims in a string of attacks spanning 14 months.