Schools in Pakistan have declared an official "I am not Malala Day" when all female pupils will denounce the un-islamic ideas of the teenager who demanded education for women. It's surprising such schools have any female pupils at all, really. In most parts of Afghanistan and Iraq, the Taliban is insisting on classes of boys only. So much for the boasts of my English MP, Andrew Smith, about what the long, bloody war has achieved for Afghan girls.
Try not to laugh when you hear that in Britain, Muslims have decided to award their own "peace prize"... I said try not to laugh!!
Here in England rumour has it that the school curriculum is to be broadened next year to include more topics under the heading of multi-culturalism, tolerance and diversity.
i) All children from the age of 5 upwards will be taught to chant "There is no god but ASDA! Death to the infidels!" and spit on a model of an unbeliever.
"I'm a charity worker." "That's a capital offence."
ii) School playing fields will be used to stage mock stonings. Transgressors will be buried up to their necks in the ground and then pelted with stones of carefully selected size. Size matters.
iii) Pupils from age 10 upwards will be taught how to perform crucifixions. Prizes will be given to those who write the best denunciation sign to be attached to the victim's neck.
"Are you going to behead me?" "Don't complain, that's racist."
iv) Classes in RE will include techniques for building guillotines and wielding axes. School sports days will feature real beheadings, and anybody accused of "bigotry" will be selected for decapitation.
v) In year ten and above, boy pupils will be allowed to conduct auctions of girl pupils but they will need a note of permission from their parents before they are allowed to take any purchase home.
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