Six frail grannies from a knitting circle in Algeria have seized a desert gas production complex near In Amenas and taken a large group of westerners hostage. They are shooting the hostages if they don't get a better supply of knitting patterns to meet their demands.
Well you're not allowed to say the truth are you? It couldn't possibly be Jihadists could it? To admit that would be Islamophobia.
Sad to say, events seem to have proved me right,